Day 8 - Say Goodbye
Dave Matthews Band
1996
Why It’s On The List:
In my junior year of high school I developed a cliché crush on the head cheerleader who was a senior. I doubt she knew my name and probably was not even aware of my existence that year. I was almost relieved when she graduated because that meant I didn’t have to freeze up into a scared little ball of terror every time I passed her in the hall anymore.
I graduated high school a year later and needed a summer job before college started. I was a dumb, dopey kid that didn’t know any better and took the first thing that came along - camp counselor in a kids summer camp (now you’ll understand my lifelong aversion to large groups of children).
Imagine my surprise on the first day of the summer when the head cheerleader walked in because she was working there too.
I’d like to think we started dating because of my personality and charm.
In reality, it was more likely that I was her only real option after being with a ton of gross kids all day. It really was a fun summer. We’d work together all day long, hang out until 1-2am and then do it all over again the next day.
We were together for over 3 years and even got engaged.
She was classy, cool, and sophisticated. I never felt like I belonged with her. I think I always had that head cheerleader picture in my mind and couldn’t overcome it.
My insecurity was our biggest problem.
Then I got sick with a rare/random stomach disease, lost 70 pounds and proceeded to get REAL insecure.
She would do her best to reassure me that she loved me, but my own lack of self-esteem started manifesting itself through anger and a raging temper. I never got violent, but I did get vocal. I was a miserable person to be around.
She wisely had the maturity to call things off in December of 2002 and I did not know how to handle it. I honestly do not do not remember most of 2003. Just darkness and despair.
I wish that was rock bottom but I still had a ways to go.
I "rebounded" by going through a series of relationships where I - either consciously or subconsciously - wanted to hurt people as much as I had been hurt.
Ugh.
I finally bottomed out in November of 2005. I took some time to retreat, hang out with friends, and heal. I didn’t officially date anyone again until my eventual wife, Summer, and I started dating in October of 2006.
--
I reached out and apologized to the head cheerleader a few years later for the monster I had become. She didn’t deserve that. She really liked me and I couldn’t handle it. That wasn't her problem.
I haven’t talked to her in over 10 years now. She’s the kind of person I’d love to catch up with over a glass of wine - always appreciated her perspective on movies, music, and the world.
It will never happen but it would be fun.
That’s what I love about “Say Goodbye” when I think back to this time. It’s a wild roller coaster. It’s passion and rage. It’s up and down. It’s stormy and then calm.
“And tomorrow, say goodbye.”
Listen to "Say Goodbye" here:
Favorite Line:
I graduated high school a year later and needed a summer job before college started. I was a dumb, dopey kid that didn’t know any better and took the first thing that came along - camp counselor in a kids summer camp (now you’ll understand my lifelong aversion to large groups of children).
Imagine my surprise on the first day of the summer when the head cheerleader walked in because she was working there too.
I’d like to think we started dating because of my personality and charm.
In reality, it was more likely that I was her only real option after being with a ton of gross kids all day. It really was a fun summer. We’d work together all day long, hang out until 1-2am and then do it all over again the next day.
We were together for over 3 years and even got engaged.
She was classy, cool, and sophisticated. I never felt like I belonged with her. I think I always had that head cheerleader picture in my mind and couldn’t overcome it.
My insecurity was our biggest problem.
Then I got sick with a rare/random stomach disease, lost 70 pounds and proceeded to get REAL insecure.
She would do her best to reassure me that she loved me, but my own lack of self-esteem started manifesting itself through anger and a raging temper. I never got violent, but I did get vocal. I was a miserable person to be around.
She wisely had the maturity to call things off in December of 2002 and I did not know how to handle it. I honestly do not do not remember most of 2003. Just darkness and despair.
I wish that was rock bottom but I still had a ways to go.
I "rebounded" by going through a series of relationships where I - either consciously or subconsciously - wanted to hurt people as much as I had been hurt.
Ugh.
I finally bottomed out in November of 2005. I took some time to retreat, hang out with friends, and heal. I didn’t officially date anyone again until my eventual wife, Summer, and I started dating in October of 2006.
--
I reached out and apologized to the head cheerleader a few years later for the monster I had become. She didn’t deserve that. She really liked me and I couldn’t handle it. That wasn't her problem.
I haven’t talked to her in over 10 years now. She’s the kind of person I’d love to catch up with over a glass of wine - always appreciated her perspective on movies, music, and the world.
It will never happen but it would be fun.
That’s what I love about “Say Goodbye” when I think back to this time. It’s a wild roller coaster. It’s passion and rage. It’s up and down. It’s stormy and then calm.
“And tomorrow, say goodbye.”
Listen to "Say Goodbye" here:
Favorite Line:
Disregarding the adulterous connotations, the way Dave vocally bounces on the notes of
“But tomorrow go back to your man
“But tomorrow go back to your man
I'm back to my world
And we're back to being friends”
has always been amusing to me.
If You Liked This Song..
has always been amusing to me.
If You Liked This Song..
It was damn near impossible to choose just one song to encapsulate this era of my life. Could have been any one of these:
- Send Me On My Way
- Ants Marching
- Best of What’s Around
- Satellite
- Crash Into Me
- Lie in Our Graves
- The Backroom
- Into the Mystic
- Moondance
- Crazy Love
- Fields of Gold
- Send Me On My Way
- Ants Marching
- Best of What’s Around
- Satellite
- Crash Into Me
- Lie in Our Graves
- The Backroom
- Into the Mystic
- Moondance
- Crazy Love
- Fields of Gold
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