Day 15 - Badlands

Bruce Springsteen

1978

Disclaimer: All perspectives, opinions, and memories in this entry are mine and mine alone. Some content is rugged, raw, and - sometimes - NSFW, but it's all authentic and included with purpose.

Why It’s On The List:

Lights out tonight, trouble in the heartland

Got a head-on collision smashing in my guts man

I'm caught in a crossfire that I don't understand

But there's one thing I know for sure

Girl, I don't give a damn for the same old played out scenes

Baby, I don't give a damn for just the in-betweens

Honey, I want the heart, I want the soul, I want control right now

You better listen to me baby, talk about a dream, try to make it real

You wake up in the night with a fear so real

You spend your life waiting for a moment that just don't come

Well don't waste your time waiting Couple things before we begin this one: 1. As you will see as we get further down the list, I have an inner-sanctum of all-time favorite songs and this one is pretty damn close to joining that list. It is probably the most perfectly constructed “Josh Mahler Song.” Arena-rock anthem that rises and falls throughout. Blazing guitar and roaring saxophone solos. Heartland/Americana lyrics and themes. It doesn’t get much better than this. BUT - this song is connected to too good of a chronological story to not have it here. This was a big debate for me, but ultimately I knew it had to live in this spot. 2. From 2004-2008ish, I wrote weekly emails to family and friends called “The Life of Josh.” They contained (hopefully) humorous observations and/or (hopefully) insightful reflections in my life and the world around me. In every email I would use lyrics from a song and break them up throughout the story. Sometimes the lyrics were connected thematically to that week’s entry and sometimes the lyrics were used to transition from point to point. They were always a big hit for some reason. All that to say - I’m bringing that format back for this song on this list because all of the lyrics to this song are just too good to leave any out.  Badlands, you gotta live it every day

Let the broken hearts stand as the price you've gotta pay

We'll keep pushing till it's understood

And these badlands start treating us good When the sports magazine I was working for closed down in 2008, I knew I had to do something different. Virginia will always hold a very special place in my heart because that’s where I met and married Summer, that’s where I met so many of my lifelong friends and that’s where so much of our family lived. But our town was beginning to represent heartbreak and failure for me. It was time for a change.  Summer and I were seriously dating at the time so I knew any decision needed to involve her, but I just knew that I didn’t want to live and die in Virginia. I told Sum that I would be down for exploring Seattle, Denver, or Phoenix. She wasn’t interested in the extreme weather of Seattle or Phoenix (two of my favorite cities to this day, by the way) but was intrigued by Denver. We began researching and she found two top-tier graduate schools for physical therapy out here so we decided to come check it out. In the spring of 2008, we came out for a week together to try on the city and see how it felt. We were immediately hooked. It’s clean, it’s old west, it’s modern, it’s big, it’s not too big. We live in the suburbs but can be in a major downtown area in 30-45 minutes. It’s everything we ever wanted and it feels like us. Sidebar: To this day I love coming home to Denver after traveling. There’s nothing better than the feeling of walking into DIA off of the plane and feeling “home.” I’ve never felt that way anywhere else. Normally I would like the place I had visited more than coming home. I don’t feel that way anymore.  There’s nowhere on planet earth I love being more than Colorado.  Working in the field till you get your back burned

Working 'neath the wheels till you get your facts learned

Baby, I got my facts learned real good right now

You better get it straight, darling

Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king

And a king ain't satisfied till he rules everything

I wanna go out tonight, I wanna find out what I got

Well I believe in the love that you gave me

I believe in the faith that could save me

I believe in the hope and I pray that someday it may raise me above these We got back from our visit in 2008 and I decided to save up the rest of the year to move out to Denver in early 2009. The plan was for me to get set up, Sum would finish undergrad that spring, we would get married in August and she would come back out with me.  I announced my move in the fall and it’s interesting for me to look back on my perspective before leaving Virginia over a decade later. I was excited and nervous and determined and afraid. Probably rightly so? I didn’t have a job lined up. I didn’t have any family or friends. Looking back today as a dad and homeowner and supervisor, it actually sounds crazy and irresponsible to me now. I can see 40-Year-Old Josh talking to 28-Year-Old Josh: 40-Year-Old Josh: What’s your endgame here, man? Just move out there and figure it out? 28-Year-Old Josh: Yep, that’s pretty much it.

40-Year-Old Josh: I feel nauseous.
Badlands, you gotta live it every day

Let the broken hearts stand as the price you've gotta pay

Keep pushing till it's understood

And these badlands start treating us good I got to Denver in January of 2009 and was staying with a family that my parents knew. They were super gracious and told me to take my time finding work. I randomly had a couple connections at "The Rocky Mountain News" and started contacting them when I got here but their responses weirdly got more and more delayed. I picked up a couple freelance writing jobs just to get my foot in the door and meet some people in the journalism business out here. A couple weeks into February the family I was staying with came to me and said they were unexpectedly getting relocated to Texas.  I took the first job I could find so that I could really start supporting myself: customer support at Dish Network (Sidenote - I only worked at Dish for 3 months but it was so terrible, I sometimes think that I worked there for 3000 years). I found an apartment I could afford and started figuring it out. By March of 2009, "The Rocky Mountain News" shut down and my writing opportunities were running thin. Staying in Colorado meant I needed to find more stable, regular work.

40-Year-Old Josh: Now what? 28-Year-Old Josh: Ok, boomer... We got this.

*40-Year-Old Josh passes out*

Crazy thing is that since I was in the deep end, I HAD to either sink or swim. This all probably was the best thing for me. Caused me to be more proactive, more hungry, more determined. I've never had to rely on God more in my life. I was terrified but strangely excited and, ultimately, fine because my trust was in Him. Not in myself. Certainly not in my circumstances.

These events led me to get a job with a non-profit downtown, which led to the next nonprofit, which led to my current role as the director of operations at our church, Eastern Hills - the greatest job I’ve had.  Each step prepared me better for the next step around the corner, even though I never saw that progress in the moment. For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside

That it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive

I wanna find one face that ain't looking through me

I wanna find one place, I wanna spit in the face of these badlands Now? Best job ever. Smoke Show of a wife. Living in a house that exceeded my wildest dreams, with two great kids, and surrounded by awesome family and friends. God has blessed us more than I could ever imagine or hoped for when we moved here. Of course, I’m always trying to improve and get better, but for the first time in my life I truly feel content.

If this is it for the rest of the ride, I’m good to go.
There’s something about taking the chance. Waking up every day, taking the hits, trusting God FULLY and believing that you are incrementally getting somewhere better - even if it’s at a glacial pace at times.  I can’t wait to tell my kids to go do something crazy and irresponsible (not around Summer, of course). That’s the only way you can really sleep at night.

No regrets.

There is such a peace that comes with knowing you took a swing and regardless of what happens, you aren’t letting this one existence pass you by. Badlands, you gotta live it every day

Let the broken hearts stand as the price you've gotta pay

Keep moving till it's understood

And these badlands start treating us good

Listen to "Badlands" here:

If You Liked This Song...
Here are some of my other favorite songs from The Boss:
- Born to Run
- I'm On Fire
- Secret Garden
- Streets of Philadelphia
- Glory Days
- Girls in Their Summer Clothes
- You'll Be Coming Down